Meaning, I want to be alive to each moment, and to respond to it not with what I’ve been conditioned to believe is correct, or decent, or current (though my motions and deeds might coincide with those things at times), but with the honesty of my personality (which differs from your personality, just as yours differs from mine), which reaches its fullest and most perfect expression, paradoxically, only when it vanishes into, or finds union with, the will of the divine, which is to say providence.